my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I smell like Dick and happiness
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
