birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
