Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
