I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
