I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Gay?
German.
Pity.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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