well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
