Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
