I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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