I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
