I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
