Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
