Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
