Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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