I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
