Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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