The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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