Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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