TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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