My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize