If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
