awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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