I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
