she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Found your dick twin last night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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