Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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