Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
