Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
