he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize