sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
