According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize