That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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