Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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