Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
