fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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