i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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