i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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