Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
