My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
