If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
