I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
