You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
