careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
