OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize