Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
