just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
