Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
