I should be sponsored by Trojan
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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