i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
