Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
