A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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