Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
