i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am midnight drunk by noon
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
