I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
