i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
