what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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