I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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