I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
