She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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