I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
