if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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