What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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