you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
