you win again, gameday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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