I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize