He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
