I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
