it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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