It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
