Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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