ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
