i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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