I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize