Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
