The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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