I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
