i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
