WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
