We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
