I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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