a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
