so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
