all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
