I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
