tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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