i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
