Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk is not a location!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
