And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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