If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
MIDGETS
????
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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