dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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