He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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