erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
