time to smoke my breakfast
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
