So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
as a side note pls kill me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
