so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
