Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
