He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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