I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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