I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
