yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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