You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
