It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
