I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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