Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
