How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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