Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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