Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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