You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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